Alright, alright, lemme tell ya ’bout this here… thing. This “pale elf figurine,” they call it. Fancy name for a little statue, if you ask me. But folks seem to be goin’ crazy over it, so I figured I’d take a look-see.

Now, I ain’t no expert on these elf things. Never seen one in real life, that’s for sure. But this here figurine, it’s supposed to be some fella from a game, Baldur’s Gate 3, I think they said. Sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus to me, but hey, to each their own.

What’s this thing made of, anyway?

They say it’s made of “resin.” Don’t ask me what that is. Sounds like somethin’ sticky, like tree sap or somethin’. But apparently, it’s good for makin’ these little statues. This particular one, it’s kinda tall, they say. Some are bigger than others, I guess. One fella was talkin’ about one that’s almost a foot tall! Imagine that! A whole foot of elf! What would you even do with it? Dust it, I suppose.

• They got all sorts of sizes, it seems. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your hand, some smaller than your thumb.
• And the price? Lordy, don’t even get me started. Some of these things cost more than my old mule Bessie! And Bessie, she got me through some tough winters, let me tell ya.
• But folks are buyin’ ’em up like hotcakes. Guess they see somethin’ in ’em I don’t.

It’s all about the “details,” they say.

Apparently, this elf fella, he’s got pointy ears and fancy clothes. And his face, they say it’s real “expressive.” Like he’s thinkin’ hard about somethin’, or maybe he’s just constipated. I dunno. But folks seem to like it. They say it’s “high-resolution,” whatever that means. Sounds like somethin’ you’d say about a fancy TV, not a little statue.

Now, who’s buyin’ these things?

Well, apparently, it’s the folks who play that Baldur’s Gate game. They call themselves “fans,” I think. They like to collect these things, put ’em on shelves, and stare at ’em, I guess. One fella said it’s a “collectible.” Like stamps or somethin’. Seems like a waste of money to me, but hey, like I said, to each their own. They even make ’em themselves, some of ’em. Got these fancy “3D printers” now, makes things out of thin air, practically. Witchcraft, if you ask me.

Is it worth it?

Well, that depends on what you’re lookin’ for. If you’re lookin’ for somethin’ to keep your chickens from gettin’ into the garden, this ain’t it. But if you’re lookin’ for somethin’ to dust and stare at, and you got money to burn, then maybe it is. Me? I’d rather spend my money on a good bag of chicken feed. At least I know that’ll be put to good use.

But hey, these young folks, they like what they like. And if they wanna spend their hard-earned money on a pale elf figurine, that’s their business. Me, I’ll stick to my chickens and my garden. That’s real, that is. Not some fancy elf made of tree sap.

So, what’s the big deal with this pale elf anyway?

Folks are sayin’ he’s a vampire or somethin’. A vampire elf! Now I’ve heard it all. Guess that makes him kinda spooky, I suppose. But even if he is a vampire, he ain’t gonna bite nobody made of resin, that’s for sure. He’s just a little statue, sittin’ on a shelf, lookin’ constipated.

But you know what?

Even I gotta admit, some of these things are kinda pretty. The way they paint ’em, all the little details. It’s kinda like lookin’ at a real person, almost. But still, I ain’t buyin’ one. I got better things to spend my money on. Like a new pair of work boots. Or maybe some more chicken feed.

So, there you have it. That’s all I know about this pale elf figurine. Not much, I admit. But hey, I’m just an old woman. What do I know about fancy elf statues?

Tags: [Baldur’s Gate 3, Pale Elf, Figurine, Statue, Collectible, Resin, Astarion, Elf, Anime Action Figure, 3D Printed]