Alright, listen up, y’all. Let’s talk about them Red War Weapons in Destiny 2. I ain’t no fancy gamer girl, but I know a thing or two about shootin’ and lootin’. So, if you’re lookin’ to up your game, pay attention.

Now, back in the day, they had this thing called the Red War, and let me tell you, it was a mess. But those weapons? Some of ’em were real good, lemme tell ya. Folks been yappin’ about ’em, and Bungie, them game makers, they brought some back. Good on ’em, I say.

So, what we got? We got this Nightshade Pulse Rifle. It’s one of them pew-pew guns, shoots fast and steady. Good for takin’ down them pesky aliens, you know? Then there’s the Persuader Sniper Rifle. Now, this one’s for the patient types. You gotta hide, take your time, and BAM! One shot, one kill, if you’re lucky. Not as easy as shootin’ a squirrel, I tell ya.

• Nightshade Pulse Rifle: Good for shootin’ fast.
• Persuader Sniper Rifle: For long-distance shootin’.
• Deadpan Delivery Shotgun: Close-up, boom-boom!
• The Showrunner Submachine Gun: Another fast shooter, good for close range.

And then we got the Deadpan Delivery Shotgun. This here’s for when things get up close and personal. You wait ’til them bad guys get real close, then BOOM! Blow ’em away. It’s like when that old rooster used to chase me around the yard, except with more firepower. Last but not least, there’s The Showrunner Submachine Gun. Another one of them fast shooters. Good for when you’re surrounded and need to spray and pray, like trying to shoo flies off a watermelon.

Now, some folks talk about these things called “God Rolls.” Sounds fancy, don’t it? Basically, it means you got the best perks on your gun, make it shoot straighter, hit harder, or reload faster. Stuff like “Target Lock” and “Kill Clip,” they say. Sounds like a bunch of hogwash to me, but if it helps you shoot better, who am I to judge?

They also got these special guns called “Exotics.” These are supposed to be the best of the best, the real fancy ones. Like that Khvostov 7G-0X thing. They say it was the first gun in the whole Destiny game, and now they made it all special. Some of them Exotics are good, some ain’t worth a hill of beans, just like some folks I know.

There’s other stuff they brought back too, like some maps for fightin’ other players. And they promised to bring back even more, like some Gambit maps and special missions. Gambit? Sounds like somethin’ you’d do with a deck of cards, not a gun, but whatever.

Now, I heard tell of a weapon, way back when, called the Telesto. Folks say it was the strongest weapon ever. It could do all sorts of crazy things, like make you invincible, mess with other players’ games, and even crash the whole darn thing! Sounds like a handful, that one. Like tryin’ to hold a greased piglet.

Red War Weapons ain’t the only guns out there, though. They got all sorts of other weapons, from fancy Vex-themed guns to ones from some dreamin’ city. Too much for my old head to keep track of, honestly. I just stick with what works.

So, there you have it. A rundown of them Red War Weapons and some other stuff in Destiny 2. Don’t get too caught up in all the fancy talk. Just find a gun you like, aim true, and shoot straight. And remember, it ain’t the gun that makes the player, it’s the player that makes the gun. Just like it ain’t the hoe that makes the garden, it’s the hand that holds it. Now go out there and show them aliens what for!

And don’t forget, sometimes the simplest weapon is the best. Like a good old shotgun. Reminds me of when I used to chase the rabbits out of the garden with my Pa’s old scattergun. Good times, good times.

So, whether you’re a young whippersnapper or an old timer like me, there’s a Red War weapon for you. Just gotta find it, and learn how to use it. And if you can’t do that, well, maybe stick to farming. It’s a lot less dangerous, that’s for sure.