Alright, let’s talk about this here… uh… “tavern brawler barbarian,” whatever that means. Sounds fancy, but I reckon it just means a fella who likes to fight with whatever he’s got, like me when I chased that darn rooster outta my garden last week, ha!

So, what’s this “tavern brawler” thing all about? Well, it ain’t rocket science, I tell ya. It’s about fightin’ with your fists, chairs, mugs, whatever you can grab. Like that time old man Johnson threw a whole ham at the tax collector – now that was a tavern brawl move if I ever saw one.

Now, if you’re gonna be one of these “barbarians,” you gotta be strong, real strong. We’re talkin’ muscles like a bull, see? Twenty strength, they say. Heck, maybe even twenty-two! That’s like lifting a whole sack of potatoes with one hand, easy peasy. And get this, you can get even more fightin’ done when you’re angry, what they call “raging.” It’s like when your biscuits burn – you just wanna throw somethin’! But this time, it helps ya fight better, not just make a mess in the kitchen.

• Strong as an ox: Gotta have that muscle, or you ain’t gonna be throwin’ nobody around.
• Angry as a hornet: Gettin’ mad makes you fight better, that’s just common sense.
• Tough as nails: Can’t be a wimp if you’re gonna brawl, gotta take a punch and keep on comin’.

Now, some folks say bein’ a “soldier” is a good start for this kinda thing. I guess that makes sense. Soldiers know how to fight, right? And they’re good at bossin’ folks around, what they call “intimidation.” Me, I just yell at the kids to get outta the melon patch, works every time. But soldiers, they learn fancy ways to do it, I reckon.

They say this “tavern brawler” way of fightin’ is better for grabbin’ and holdin’ folks than some other fancy moves. I ain’t sure about all that, but I know a good headlock when I see one. Used to put my husband in one when he snored too loud, ha! And seems like bein’ a “barbarian” or a “fighter” is the best way to go if you wanna be a tavern brawler. Makes sense, I guess. Both of ‘em are tough and strong, just like my prize-winning pumpkin.

So, how do you actually fight like a tavern brawler? Well, you gotta hit ‘em hard, that’s for sure. Use anything ya got – fists, a bottle, a stool, whatever’s handy. Then, once they’re wobblin’, you grab ’em! Wrestle ’em to the ground, pin ’em down. It ain’t pretty, but it gets the job done. Kinda like how I wrestle those stubborn weeds outta my garden. They put up a fight, but I always win.

I heard a story once about a fella who played one of these tavern brawlers. Big ol’ guy, mean as a snake. He punched this half-dragon thing right in the snout! A half-dragon, can you believe it? Guess it don’t matter if you’re fightin’ a rooster or a dragon, the rules are the same: hit ‘em hard, grab ‘em tight, and don’t let go.

Now, some folks get all fancy with their fightin’, talkin’ about “feats” and “subclasses” and whatnot. I ain’t got time for that nonsense. Just hit ‘em, grab ‘em, and be done with it. That’s my kinda fightin’. Like I always say, keep it simple, stupid. Works for plantin’ potatoes, works for fightin’, too.

So, there you have it. That’s all I know about this “tavern brawler barbarian” thing. Sounds like a whole lotta fuss to me, but if you like fightin’ and don’t mind gettin’ your hands dirty, then maybe it’s for you. Just remember what I told ya: be strong, be angry, and don’t be afraid to use whatever you got. And for goodness sake, don’t forget to wear your sturdy boots! You never know when you’ll have to stomp on a fella’s toes.

And most important of all, always have a good reason to fight. Don’t go around picking fights with everyone you see. Unless they try to steal your prize-winning pumpkin, then you have every right to knock their teeth out, understand?

Tags: [Tavern Brawler, Barbarian, Strength, Combat, RPG, D&D, 5e, Build, Guide, Fighting, Feats]